Cheers

I sit with a blinking cursor and the divine melodies of Zac Brown Band; simply wondering if I have the structure or dedication to complete what may seem like a simple blog message. Laughing at myself, I am curious as to see where this, like San Francisco may take me. If anything else it fills up empty time and may in the future be something to look back on and reflect.

So, with inspiration from Ms. Mackenzie Berg; here it goes. A week ago I boarded a plane, headed to Boston nonetheless and began this whir wind of a journey. I sat at the Lincoln airport, having just said a ‘see you later’ to two of the most recent important people in my life. That sentence in and of its self makes me laugh, but also always seems to put a tear in my eye.

Good-bye-  appears to be such a simple word. However the greater context of its message is much more complicated. The days leading up to my departure were what seemed like endless minutes of agony, confusion, anger and yet, somehow, happiness.

I ran out of my parents house, giving my brother a simple ‘I’m leaving Sean’ not giving him enough time to come out of his bedroom to give me a ‘proper goodbye’. The simple thought of ‘walking out’ on this man, who I have watched grow, was simply, too much. So, I ran out of the door, got in the car and drove away from the house, leaving 52^nd street as nothing but a memory.

I attempted to picture my last week in Nebraska. I imagined the places I would go; and all of the people I needed to see. However, like life; nothing seemed to go ‘as planned’.  Errands ran long, good-byes ran short, and of course, the unexpected occurred. Emotions that I simply did not anticipate came rushing through me and for that, I was not prepared for. So, I bottle what is necessary, boarded the plane and officially began my journey.

I landed in Boston, after two layovers, one change in airlines, two hours of sleep with my trusty bottle of water. I sat and waited for Jim to pick me up from the airport. Finally, I hear this ‘heeey’, followed by a heart wrenching hug. Jim and I were back together at last. Attempting to put my emotions aside, I welcomed his kiss and picked up my luggage.

The next 72 hours were indescribable. Exploring Boston I simply put aside my emotions; I stopped processing that I was moving to San Francisco. Monday came and I once again found myself boarding a plane. Destination: San Francisco, California.

Many laugh when I tell them I was tempted to buy a parachute and jump out once we were flying over ‘the good life’. However, it is amazing what your mind will propose when your whole life is about to change and you can hardly control your emotions.

All resistance aside, I boarded that plane. The second I snapped that seat belt, it was official. I was moving to California. Moving to do what? I suppose an outsider may say ‘the possibilities are endless’, ‘you’ll love it’, ‘there is so much to do there’; outside of those being popular with Hallmark, I was hardly impressed.

As harsh as it may seem, I was moving to fulfill Jim’s dreams. I was moving to keep my relationship with Jim; a relationship that is significant and has sincerely changed my life. With all that said, it did not make moving to California without my own purpose any easier.

I was physically removed from the streets I have watched being built, the people I have watched grow, the life that I have made and the place I was proud to call home. I was thrown on Alemany Blvd, San Francisco; an address that means nothing, to a city that has absolutely no significance to me. Nothing except for this relationship that I have deemed ‘worthy’ of such sacrifice.

So, now what? Well, here begins the journey. I have wondered onto the ‘BART’ station, walked the hills of the neighborhood, landed in what my mother would call ‘the hood’, unpacked boxes, experienced organic flaxseed chips and spent a lot of time thinking; a lot of collecting and gathering within myself, which was not originally anticipated.

I have streamed the internet for potential employment opportunities, interest groups, photography, classes, unpacked boxes, listened to endless amounts of ZBB, cried on the couch with Putzi, all while trying to be the ‘supportive girlfriend’.

Now, while all of the above paragraphs may seems as though it is all ‘poor Renee’ or ‘you stupid broad, you didn’t have to leave Nebraska, why don’t you stop complaining’. I think it is important for you to realize that I, myself have also thought all of these things. I suppose, if nothing else it is important for me to reflect on such feelings. Corny right? However, Oprah is on to something- feel your emotions, and express yourself in ways that are comfortable.

I miss ‘home’, I miss the smell of Nebraska air, I miss the quite of 59^th street, I miss the crisis of my clients phone calls, I miss the comfort of ‘cube 82’, I miss the petty arguments with my brother, I miss the atmosphere of Husker Saturday’s, I miss the neon, and I miss the smile of my close friends and family.

However, I am here. 3981 Alemany Blvd, San Francisco California; welcome home Renee. Of course not each moment has been difficult, I am optimistic that this journey will in fact bring Hallmark’s ‘new adventures’ to my life. I can honestly say that I am excited. And of course, I am thankful. Thankful for the support I have received and for the wonderful individual that I get to experience San Francisco with.

So, here’s to you San Francisco, ‘Cheers’.